Funny Marriage Jokes

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

– The dog, He’ll shut up once you let him in.

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.
Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino and finds a pay phone.

He calls his wife and says, “Honey, pack your bags, I just won over a million dollars in Vegas.”

His wife say, “That’s wonderful, What should I pack for …. Europe, Asia, the Caribbean?”

He says, “I don’t care, just be gone when I get home.”


This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself,
when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

Man: “What was that for?”
Wife: “What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?”

Man: “Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?, Marylou was the name of one of the horse I bet on.”

The Wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house.

Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

Man: “What the hell was that for this time?”
Wife: “Your horse called.”

Forward it...

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