Funny Husband wife Jokes

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.”

 

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The old man also wanted the custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the old man slowly rose from his chair and replied, “Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or the machine?”

 

At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word “KISS” scribbled on it.

A guest seated next to the speaker said, “Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much.” speaker replied,
“You don’t know my wife. The letters stand for “Keep It Short, Stupid.”

 

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”

Funny Husband wife Jokes

 

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